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Guest Entrance - Fitting In - Karen Candido

Remember when you were a kid and lost your 1^st tooth? Going around and showing everyone you lost it. Or when you got that great present for Christmas and made sure everyone saw how cool it was. How about your 1^st date? You told all your girlfriends/boyfriends about it and made sure you looked smooth. You know what you were doing all those times? You were trying to fit in.

That’s what most people want to do. Fit in. They want to be accepted by their peers. As we grow older its easier but for kids, it’s the hardest thing ever.

There are so many variables to be able to fit in within a certain group or “clique”. Its either clothes, hair, friends, grades, where you lived, what sports you’re in, what clubs you’re in, etc. that make where you fit in. And if you don’t fit in well the alternative is getting picked on. That something everyone wants to avoid.

In today’s world kids have more ways of getting picked on than ever before. With the advent of the internet and cell phones kids are attacked 24/7 and never get away from it. Where before most kids could go home and get away from the bullying for a while, that is no longer an option. Can you imagine the pressure this creates? The pressure to make sure you fit in?

So when you see a child or teenager doing something out of the usual, try to understand. Try to realize what they are doing. Yes, tell them that being themselves is the best course and, eventually, they will figure that out. Until then just try to let them fit in.  

Bullying

What is Bullying - According to the Newfoundland Department of Education, bullying is any pattern of aggressive behaviour that is meant to be hurtful or cause someone to be uncomfortable. It doesn't always have to be a physical thing--bullying can be verbal, social, cyber as well as physical.  Bullying can be children/children, adult/children, children/adult, young/senior, boss/employee, adult/adult. 

Verbal Bullying
Verbal Bullying includes but not limited to name calling, racist/sexist/homophobic comments, spreading rumors/gossiping, taunting and teasing.


Physical Bullying
Slapping, pinching, unwelcome touching, hitting of any sort, pushing someone in a locker, kicking.


Cyber Bullying
With the advent of social media and instant messengers, Cyber bullying has become a greater problem in our society.  Our children and some adults not only have to worry about face to face bullying, but bullying when they go home and turn on their computers.  Cyber bullying is basically the same thing as the above meaning, except its being done through texts, facebook, twitter, myspace, emails, yahoo messenger, msn messenger etc. It is always unwelcome and make the victim feels uncomfortable. 


What can we do if your child is being bullied?


We here at One Ai has developed a system of three easy steps to assist your child if you believe they are being bullied or complain they are being  bullied. It is called the LBCA.


L - Listen. If your child is complaining about it, chances are it really is a problem. If you brush them off when they are trying to tell you something they will never trust you again and worse, they will never come to you if they are truly having a problem until it is too late.  Use the basic steps to listening: Eye contact, paraphrasing, questions. This way it shows your child you are actually paying attention and you are on their side.


B - Believe. Chances are your child is not making this up; especially if he/she comes home with constant black eyes, bruises etc. If you do not believe your child, this could be a problem much deeper than the bullying and you should probably address that. But believe your child. They will not say they are being hurt if they aren't.


C - Comfort your child.  Bullying can also be a form of emotional abuse. This is hard on a child. Be comforting, hugs, soft words will do. Do not over-react. As parents, we never want to hear our child is being hurt in any way, and when we do find out this is the case, we tend to go mad. Remain calm, seek out your child's comfort and peace of mind first. Once that is done, move on to the next step.


A - Act. This does not mean you show up at the child's home and go wild. This means you go through the regular processes - this is if the bullying hasn't gotten out of hand. The next step will be completely up to you but can range from contacting the school's principal to calling the police.  Use a clear head when on this step because it will dictate how things play out. Do NOT,  we repeat, DO NO take matters into your own hands. This could be worse for your child and you in the long run. If you do not know what to do one of the following may be the way to go: contact your local police department, ask to speak with someone (maybe a detective etc), once you have a meeting, sit down with said person, explain the situation and tell them you don't know what to do.  OR contact a counselor. They should know what to do or be able to point you in the right direction.


How to tell your Child is being bullied....


According to Prevnet.ca, children and youth who are being being bullying often show a change in behaviour and/or emotions

• Not wanting to go to school or participate in activities 
• Anxious, fearful
• Exhibits low self-esteem and makes negative comments about him/herself
• Lower interest and performance in school
• Keeps asking for more money and losing things
• Unhappy, irritable
• Trouble sleeping, nightmares, bed-wetting
• Express threats to hurt himself/others

If you suspect your child is being abused, speak with your child. If the child does not admit it, speak with the school etc. If you suspect your child IS a bully, speak with the child and his/her school.

 DO SOMETHING 

As found on the Bullying.org website. Take the Pledge

Anti-bullying Pledge 

This is for me… 

…my friends today… 

And my friends tomorrow. 

I think being mean stinks… 

I won’t watch someone get picked on 

Because I am a do something person… 

…not a do nothing person. 

I care 

I can help change things 

I can be a leader 

In my world there are no bullies allowed. 

Bullying is bad… 

Bullying bites… 

Bullying bothers me. 

I know sticking up for someone is the right thing to do… 

My name is (your name) 

And I won’t stand by… 

I will stand up.